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Jack and Noah's Big Books

A ridiculous website devoted to a ridiculous book series

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Fontenelle Elementary visit

I had the great pleasure today to visit with 40+ third graders at Fontenelle Elementary School who are taught by Miss Seymour and Mrs. Bachmann.  The teachers had read Jack and Noah's Big Day to both classes over the last few months, so I talked about the book, why reading and writing are so awesome, and why they should never spend more than an hour a day playing video games.  The best question was: "How much money did you make by writing a book?"  My response was, "Well, so far I've lost about $1,000."  Her follow-up question was:  "How much money do you have left after losing $1,000?"  Umm, I'm not going to answer that question.  If Greta finds out how much shopping money I have, I'm in serious trouble.  

Anyway, thanks to the great third graders at Fontenelle Elementary.  Check out my selfie with the kids at the start of the presentation.

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The Policeman cometh

In Jack and Noah's Big Day, Jack and Noah are frequently visited by policemen and firemen.  Last night Grandpa was puttering around our house after dinner, and he opened a window that isn't meant to be opened.  Alas, the window has a panic alarm attached to it, and the alarm company can't cancel a panic alarm.  The police were called and, yes, they visited.  I did not give the policeman a copy of the book.

  

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Crazy Luke

I'm sorry to report that the debut of the short story 'Crazy Luke' was not successful.  Last Friday, Greta presented 'Crazy Luke' in the Humorous Interpretation category at the Creighton Prep speech meet.  Despite memorizing the eight-minute story and throwing in quite a bit of pizzaz, Greta failed to place out of about 60 students.  Well... there's always this week.  Long live Crazy Luke!

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Jack & Noah hit the classrooms

Jack and Noah's Big Day is making the rounds of Omaha schools as part of 'read-to-the-class' activities or as part of a literature curriculum.  This spring the following teachers and schools have included Jack and Noah's Big Day as part of their lesson plans:

Beveridge Middle School Language Arts - Mrs. Grefe
Fontenelle Elementary Third Grade - Ms. Seymour and Mrs. Bachmann
Benson West Elementary Fourth Grade - Mrs. Gorczyca
Miller Park Elementary Sixth Grade - Mrs. Griger

Good luck to all of these classes!

 

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Back in school

Do you remember being in school when a teacher handed out an assignment - a writing assignment - that sounded so daunting that you were fairly certain you would never finish it?  Seriously, how can you fit in writing a 3-page report about weasels when you have baseball practice, a game of kick-the-bucket with the neighbors, your parents' stupid requirement that you have to eat dinner while sitting down, and, well, the normal twenty-three trips to the bathroom each day?  That's where I am right now.  I'm just starting to work on an outline for a sequel to Jack and Noah's Big Day, and the mountain is looking pretty steep.  I think I'll start by going to the bathroom.  Only twenty-two trips to go today.  

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Fantasy Dictator Ratings

In the midst of a 5-mile run on a treadmill, my mind began to wander.  News of Putin and Ukraine has dominated the headlines, and I keep thinking there has to be a funny way to think about him.  Funny, you know, in addition to the dumb pictures of him riding a horse without a shirt, or doing whatever else he does on TV to show Russians that he's a manly-man.  So, while this isn't even mildly interesting to my young readers, I thought that there ought to be a fantasy league for dictators.  Here's the March edition:

 

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Snowden leaks Obama's notes on Ukraine crisis

That Eddie Snowden keeps getting into trouble.  Somehow he managed to get a photo of President Obama's handwritten notes from today's White House meeting on the Ukraine crisis.  Frankly, the notes tell us quite a bit about how boring the meeting was, but very little about the US response to it.   However, I like the President's thinking.  Jason Bourne would be perfect for this job, although I'm a little disappointed that the Red Dawn crew from 1984 didn't cross his mind.  Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen could resolve this Ukraine with a dozen portable grenade launchers. 

 

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Yes, I'm fine

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Beveridge Magnet Midde School

The 100,000 employees of Jack and Noah's Big Corporation from all over the world (but mostly just in my house) would like to recognize the 7th Grade Language Arts class at Beveridge Magnet Middle School, which is beginning to read Jack and Noah's Big Day today.  Mrs. Grefe is obviously a wonderful teacher and will be leading the class through the book.  If they're not sufficiently warped by the time they finish the book, then I'll visit the class to finish the job.  So... a big shout out to my readers at Beveridge Magnet Middle School!

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Another magazine cover...

I suppose I'll eventually get tired of being a media darling, but I'm pleased to announce that I'm being featured as the cover story in the new magazine, 'Keep Your Day Job.'  To be honest, I haven't done a lot of research on the magazine, but I figure that any publicity is good publicity.  Right?

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Crazy Luke, the short story

It's not like I've been lazy for the past month, but it's hard to get a lot of work done with the eight appearances on national TV, a meeting with President Obama, and a quick trip to Sochi to light the Olympic torch.  Well... maybe I'm exaggerating.  I spent most of the last month being an accountant, which is slightly less glamorous than all of those things.  However, I did create a short story about Crazy Luke, who is the favorite character for many of the kids who have read Jack and Noah's Big Day.  Just to be clear, when I call it a short story, I'm not making fun of Crazy Luke because he's short. But he is really, really short, mostly because he's only four years old. 

For those of you who are interested, I have not sold 1,000 copies of Jack and Noah's Big Day, but I am working on ideas for a second book.  So... while you're waiting four years for me to finish Jack and Noah's Big Election, you can enjoy the Crazy Luke short story by clicking here

 

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Link to Omaha Family magazine article

I had the pleasure of being interviewed way back in November for the January issue of the Omaha Family magazine.  The folks at the magazine do a great job, and I think they were able to get a true appreciation for who I am.  Click on the link below to read the interview.

http://www.omahafamily.com/2012/12/01/darick-pead-is-a-beast/ 

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On-line link to the World Herald article

Here's the link to the Omaha World Herald article about me (and two other people) writing a book while working a full-time job.  Many thanks to all of you who have texted and e-mailed me today after seeing the article.

http://www.omaha.com/article/20140104/LIVING/140109656/1696#omaha-authors-explain-how-to-write-a-book-and-work-full-time

 

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I love the Omaha World Herald

I was lucky enough to be featured in the Living Section of the Omaha World Herald this morning - Saturday, January 4 - in a story written by Carol Bicak, the OWH book reviewer and Community Connections writer.  I'm not sure you'll find a more influential person in the Omaha book community, and yet Carol is one of the most warm and humble people I've met in years.  We talked for over an hour on the day after Christmas, and it seemed like it was only five minutes.

If you've stumbled onto this website because of the OWH article, thanks for joining the four members of the Jack and Noah Fan Club who have visited www.jayslagle.com over 3,000 times in the past two months.  If you'd like to join the Fan Club, please send a cashier's check for $99.99 to... oh, wait, there is no Jack and Noah Fan Club.  

In lieu of joining a fan club, you can do a few other things:  

(a) Buy the book.  See the 'Buy Book' tab on this website for more information.

(b) Rate the book on www.Amazon.com and www.Goodreads.com.  

(c) Tell your friends about the book via FaceBook, Twitter, e-mail and in person.

(d) Buy an extra book for a local school library or for your child's classroom.  

(e) Help get me spots on national TV shows.  That would be cool.

 

Have a BIG day!

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Slagle to face charges for 20 Days of Stupid

Omaha, NE (CBS)  Police Chief John Schrunchy announced at a press conference this morning that charges will be filed against Jay Slagle, the local author who subjected people around the world to the horrific ’20 Days of Stupid,’ a social medial and abstract art project.  The ‘20 Days’ project was scheduled to end today, but some observers have suggested that Slagle’s actions the last 20 days are no different than anything he did before the project started on November 23.

“I’ve known him for ten years,” said neighbor Tim Gunn, “and the only time the guy is serious is when he’s constipated.  Oh, and the time all of his kids ran away because they were sick of him.  I don’t think he said anything stupid that entire day.”

Chief Schrunchy gave vague responses to what charges might be filed, but possibilities appear to include the following:

  • Indecent use of the English language;
  • Unauthorized use of the Internet for nefarious deeds;
  • Illegal use of the Dodge Street pedestrian bridge for commercial purposes;
  • Picketing without a permit;
  • Cruel and unusual embarrassment of his children;
  • Theft by deception (he’s really saying this book is worth $10?);
  • Indecent exposure for distributing a photograph of his bald head via the Internet.

Slagle will be arrested as soon as he can be found.  He may be fleeing the state.  If so, the State Patrol has been directed to not let him return to Nebraska.  His wife issued a statement, giving her blessing for the State Patrol to do “whatever it needs to do” to keep Slagle from returning home.

 

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  This is the final day of his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project, which ran from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

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Awards for Slagle continue to roll in

Dundee, NE (OWH)  Even though it was published just six weeks ago, the children’s book Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Dundee-famous author Jay Slagle has become the most decorated book of 2013.  Honors include: 

  • The Falls City Journal called it “The Best Book Written in 2013 by a Falls City Class of 1985 alumnus”; 
  • Motel 6 announced it will be placing a copy of the book in the bedside table of every guest room in all of its motels; 
  • Oprah added the book to the ‘Oprah Book Club’ and included Slagle’s very large nose on her ‘Favorite Things’ list for 2013; 
  • Maxim Magazine called Jack and Noah “exactly the kind of stupid book our immature male readers would write – if they knew how to spell”; 
  • The Omaha World Herald ranked Slagle as “The Most Annoying Review-Seeking Author of This Generation”;  Mike Kelly and Erin Grace both filed for restraining orders against Slagle due to his shameless begging for a mention in their regular columns; 
  • The Pulitzer Prize for Literature committee broke protocol and announced that Jack and Noah’s Big Day had been given “The Book That None of Us Will Waste Time Reading” prize; 
  • Slagle’s wife gave him a “You Haven’t Done One Productive Thing in the Last 20 Days” plaque; 
  • Parenting Magazine recognized him as “The Father Who Has Embarrassed His Children the Most in 2013”, edging out Henry Chao, the guy in charge of the www.healthcare.gov website. 
  • The Omaha Literary Society, a new group with one member founded by Slagle, gave Slagle the “Thurgood Marshall Medal of Excellence” for his exceptional writing in Jack and Noah’s Big Day.  

Members of the public are encouraged to post to the blog below and give Slagle any additional honors that they feel he deserves. 

 

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  Follow his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

 

 

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Free Jack and Noah book with every new ObamaCare policy, Prez says

Washington, DC (MSNBC)  In a last-ditch attempt to increase enrollment in the ObamaCare program, President Obama announced today that every new enrollee will receive a free copy of Jack and Noah’s Big Day, the new children’s book by Jay Slagle that is almost certain to win the Nobel Prize in Literature.   In a rare bipartisan show of support, Republican and Democrat leaders agreed that the book give-away is the incentive that will push many eligible people to finally visit the problem-plagued www.healthcare.gov website to sign up for coverage. 

Through the first two months of enrollment, it appears that about 100,000 Americans have signed up for coverage through the federal enrollment website, well short of the administration’s initial two-month goal of 800,000.  In retrospect, the president agreed, “our initial goals may have been a bit aggressive.  Al Gore had told us in September that he made the Internet a lot bigger, and we didn’t verify that it was true.  However, with Google’s recent purchase of Memorial Park in Omaha, we are fully confident that we have the capacity to handle increased traffic on the website.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) stood by President Obama at the Oval Office press conference when he announced the new plan.  “I’ve admired many of the things he’s done,” Pelosi commented later, “but leveraging the popularity of Jack and Noah’s Big Day is a stroke of genius.  It’s a must-read for those people who were once children, and I believe the later figures reflect that this is about 63% of all Americans.” 

Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader (R-KY), was similarly impressed.  “I think we all agree that the rollout of the website has had many problems, and it’s kept many people from visiting the website.  This book offer will bring them back by the millions.  I just hope that Memorial Park is big enough to hold them all.”

Kathleen Sebelius, HHS director, was less enthusiastic about the plan, asking, “We have a healthcare website?  When did that happen?”  

Jay Slagle, the author of the book, lives in Omaha and is reportedly a neighbor of Warren Buffet, the billionaire who has frequently given economic advice to President Obama.  There have been suggestions that Buffet pitched the book give-away to Obama, but that couldn’t be confirmed.  However, it has been confirmed that Slagle’s wife is absolutely thrilled that this is the 18th day of the ’20 Days of Stupid.’ 

Slagle’s book is printed by a division of Amazon, the on-line retailer.  Jeff Bezos, Amazon founder and CEO, was optimistic that Amazon could meet the Jack and Noah demand generated by the www.healthcare.gov website.  “We’re probably going to discourage customers from buying Christmas toys on the website, since Wal-Mart is way cheaper.  Selling this book is far more prestigious and profitable than shipping Tickle Me Elmo all over the country.  Jack and Noah’s Big Day could be the break that Amazon needs to be recognized as a legitimate business.  It might also help people forgot the stupid ‘deliver toys by drone’ comment that I made last week.  People were pretty freaked out by that.”

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  Follow his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

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8-year-old Dundee boys have time machine

Omaha, NE (ABC)  The news media, federal authorities and Star Trek enthusiasts have all converged on Omaha this week after news broke that two 8-year-old boys have a time machine.  While rumors of time machines have existed for centuries, this appears to be the first legitimate story. 

News trucks are encamped around the Taylor house today awaiting some type of announcement from Jack Taylor, the time machine’s co-owner.  The first stories of the time machine came from St. Margaret Mary’s school, located approximately one mile from the Taylor house.  It appears that ‘Crazy’ Luke Douglas and Henry Taylor, who appear to be in kindergarten, told their classmates that a neighbor had given the time machine to Jack Taylor. 

Anonymous sources have told ABC that the time machine was originally a slushie machine, but the neighbor Dr. Emmett Brown, a retired scientist, had converted it into a time machine before he gave it to Jack.  Henry and Crazy Luke both reported seeing it work when it was stored in the Taylor garage.  In fact, this encounter seems to have been documented in the book, Jack and Noah’s Big Day, on pages 65-67.

Dr. Emmett Brown could not be located for this story.  He was last spotted last Tuesday leaving his house  in a DeLorean DMC-12 coupe. 

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  Follow his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

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Supreme Court sanctions 7-year-old girl; she doesn't care

Lincoln, NE  (CNN)  In an unprecedented action, the Nebraska Supreme Court announced on Saturday that it has sanctioned a seven-year-old Omaha girl for the unlicensed practice of law.  The Supreme Court concluded that this past summer Greta Taylor, a third-grade student at St. Margaret Mary, had repeatedly represented herself as an attorney to her client (eight-year-old Jack Taylor), to representatives of the Omaha Police Department and the Douglas County Health Department, and to the media. 

Greta’s legal work was on full display in Jack and Noah’s Big Day, when her brother Jack and his best friend Noah Patton repeatedly were in need of legal advice.  Omaha attorney John Dooley, a friend of the Taylor family, had told media outlets that he was representing Jack Taylor, but insiders have said Greta was far more effective than Mr. Dooley. 

“While no harm resulted from Ms. Taylor’s actions – indeed, her legal skills appear to be among the best in Nebraska –the fact remains that Nebraska law requires individuals to be licensed by the State in order to hold themselves out as attorneys,” the court’s statement read.  “Consequently, we have no leeway in this ruling.  If we did have leeway, we would give an award to Ms. Taylor for her brilliant legal work, and we would sanction John Dooley, a licensed attorney who is half as bright as Greta.”

The Supreme Court has never sanctioned a child for the unlicensed practice of law, so it was clear that the justices struggled with how to discipline her.  Ultimately they decided to take away her iPod for one week and ban her from sleepovers for one month.  They stopped short of confiscating her American Girl dolls. 

When reached for comment, Greta indicated that she didn’t care “what a bunch of old fuddy-duds think about me.  I’m busy running an Internet company and a clothing line that I started with my best friends Delaney and Mary Kate – I really don’t have time to be a lawyer this month anyway.”

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  Follow his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

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Wildlife shelter to allow elephant adoptions; large backyard recommended

Thurber, NE (AP)  The director of the Nebraska Wildlife Shelter (NWS) announced today that it now has six adult elephants available for adoption by individuals.  The NWS has long been known for its innovative approaches to caring for former circus animals, and  this represents the first time that elephants have been available for adoption by the general public. 

“Frankly,” said Dr. Frank Lee, the NWS director, “this is long overdue.  Because of the publicity we received from our involvement in Jack and Noah’s coolest birthday party ever, we now have over two dozen elephants on our 600-acre property.  We’re literally drowning in elephant dung, and we need to reduce our inventory.”

Several zoo directors and a number of regional humane societies has spoken out against the adoption program, but Frank Lee is committed to the program.  “Frankly, this is the next logical step for us.  For the past two years we’ve dedicated significant resources to our elephant domestication program.  Our goal has always been to transition our circus elephants into family pets, and we’ve validated the program’s results through a number of weekend visits to volunteer homes.” 

Shur Lee, Dr. Lee’s wife, explained the basics of the adoption program.  “First, it helps to have a big back yard.  The elephants like to walk around.  We’d suggest a 10-foot reinforced steel fence.  It would help if the adoptive family had a reliable source of grass, fruits and vegetables, since elephants eat 400-600 pounds of food each day.  This is an absolutely perfect scenario for organic farmers who are looking for a reliable and plentiful supply of natural fertilizer.”

When a reporter asked whether an adult elephant might be a danger to children and small pets, Shur Lee dismissed the concern.  “Surely you don’t expect me to put children in danger,” said Shur Lee.  “I raised six kids at this shelter, and four of them did just fine.  The other two, well they got stuck in a four-foot high pile of dung and got themselves trampled by Daisy, who was one of my favorites.  It wasn’t Daisy’s fault; I told the kids a million times not to play in the dung piles.”

There appear to be no restrictions as to who can apply to adopt an elephant.  To complete the adoption, interested parties must pay (a) to spay or neuter the elephant, (b) for necessary vaccinations and (c) for a microchip to find the elephant if it should ever get lost.  The microchip also doubles as a satellite dish.    

The Omaha City Council reacted quickly to the news, with Councilman Vokal introducing the ‘Elephant Adoptive Rights’ regulation within hours of the NWS announcement.  Vokal argued that Omaha needs to continue to be a diverse and inclusive city, and allowing elephants as pets would be consistent with this goal.  The regulation is expected to pass without opposition. 

Jack and Noah’s Big Day by Jay Slagle is available for $9.99 at the Bookworm bookstore at 8702 Pacific in Omaha or on-line at Amazon.  Learn more about the book at www.jayslagle.com.  Follow his ‘20 Days of Stupid’ project from November 23rd thru December 12th on Twitter (JaySlagleWrites), Instagram (JaySlagleWrites), Facebook (JackAndNoahsBigDay) and his website (www.jayslagle.com).  The book is available for reservations at the Omaha Public Library. 

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